i hate parking lots. okay, maybe hate is such a strong word for it, let me rephrase it, i don't like parking lots.
maybe it was around after lunch, the cold and dark parking lot at some basement building. i don't really recall what type of cars were there neither do i remember the colors or the numbers of cars being parked. most people were probably back at work already, and as i walked, my weak heart was beating fast, time started to move slow, i was holding my breathe, i was trying not to cry.
me. him, my best friend, my companion, my former love. we we're walking side by side, i wanted to hold his hand, i wanted to forget everything except for how perfect his hand against mine was, how my small hand fits just right for his. but he didn't want to hold my hand anymore. then time went so slowly and i wanted it to end sooner.
we already said our goodbyes a thousand times, but i was still holding on. i asked if i can hug him. even for the last time. i don't remember what his answer was but we hugged.
i hugged him like as if the world was about to end. i hugged him like there was no tomorrow. i hugged him with every bit that was left of me.
and as our hugs end, my fears started crawling all over me, i wanted to hug him some more but i can't. i remember how round his eyes were. and how he was my world, and that my world with him ended, that there was no more tomorrow. and i ran.
i ran away from him, at the back of my head, he was still standing there, waiting for me to look back. that's what i wanted to imagine cause that's what love stories does, it makes you hope and imagine on happy endings. i ran while tears were falling. i didn't know what to do with those tears, i didn't want to cry.
it's been over a year. nothing's changed. parking lots still makes me want to scream.
